Yes, it's official, I was voted mother of the year. I'm not joking I thought you might like to know what it takes to garner this prestigious award that, as the name would lead you to believe, only is presented once a year.
Recipients of Mother of the Year (a.
k.a.
MOY) always keep a close eye on their kids. They do this so their youngest child cannot play in the toilet. Since their child could not play in the toilet there's no way a contact case would wind up in the toilet. There would be no screams of delight as the
MOY flushed the 18 feet of toilet paper that the sweet one year old pulled off the roll down the toilet. A
MOY would never hear her eldest tell her aunt that "it's okay. My mommy let's me eat things off the floor." When taking a road trip a
MOY always packs
nutritious meals to eat outside in the sunshine. She never goes by a drive
thru, then proceed to rip the food up into bite size pieces and place the pieces in a snack cup. She would never hand said cup to her one year old just so the
MOY doesn't have to stop. She also wouldn't forget to pack a travel cup for her oldest. A
MOY keeps a clean house and never needs to feel
embarrassed at the state of her window sills and curtains when the window guys come to install new windows. When shopping at Lowe's to buy needed items for her garden (because all
MOYs have green thumbs) he would not buy
pre-fertilized dirt and bagged compost. Why? Because this Mother of the Year has been getting her soil ready since winter and creating her own compost. I read Martha Stewart, so of course I know how to do this stuff. Since
MOYs don't buy 50 pound bags of dirt, they don't have to
remember to lift with their legs not with their back. Being so prepared means that real
MOYs do not load five 50 pound bags into the back of their car while trying to hold onto the cart in which her two beautiful children are sitting so nicely...they really were sitting nicely. This being the truth, upon removing the last bag and putting it in the car, this
MOY would not turn around to see the cart rolling away across the parking lot which is a downward slope. I would not hear the car parked beside me honking to let me know my children are making their escape. But if it did happen, a
MOY would catch the buggy before anyone, or anything was damaged. In this case, the cart never rolled away because I didn't buy ready made dirt at Lowe's therefore I certainly did not save a cart with a clapping, smiling one year old and a happy three year old who just had a blast rolling across the parking lot....nor did I mention my recent Mother of the Year award to the good
samaritan couple who honked their horn. If you would like to be nominated for Mother of the Year please let me know why you should be given this auspicious award.
I let them eat that amazing confection known as Fun Dip...sugar sticks and basically...Kool-Aid. 
Lick the sugar stick and dip it in the flavor of your choice...or more than one flavor.
Proudly display your Kool-Aid sugar stick goodness to the camera....then lick it off.
Sometimes, you can try to lick the Kool-Aid out of the bowl, but you usually just end up with Kool-Aid on your chin.
But, you're still happy because, hey, it's Kool-Aid.
Occasionally, a plane may fly over head and distract you from the sugary deliciousness of Fun Dip.
Once it passes, though, you can go straight back to enjoying your treat.
We also went bowling last week. It was a blast. We took our shoes off and lined them up.
Then we put on our rented bowling shoes... so exciting.
We picked out a bowling ball that weighed eight pounds and put in on the ball return. 
Mary Paul was so excited she could not stand it.
She used a ramp or she would push the ball down the lane...and wait for it to hit some pins. The gutters were filled with bumpers, so no gutter balls for little kids.
The final score? Mary Paul bowled an amazing 107. Ellie Jane ate a lot popcorn and had a blast.
2. Make sure you get a really big bite. No, it does not matter that you only have two teeth. More teeth would help, but two teeth is completely adequate.
3. This is more of a tip. If you only have two teeth, make sure to chew in the front of your mouth. Choking is not an option.
4. Chew as long as it takes. Enjoy all the delicious flavor of the banana.
5. After swallowing, repeat the process. Continue with the process until the whole banana is gone.
6. When all the banana is gone, you can try and lick the peel, but it doesn't taste nearly as good as the actual banana.
